From a purely voyeuristic point of view, it’s rather amusing to observe women in their quest for love. At times, they seem more like actors in a scripted play, which oftentimes can be characterized as a drama. Or a melodrama. Or a comedy. And sometimes, even a Shakespearian tragedy. It becomes pretty fascinating to see these characters play their roles with such intense purpose and naïve enthusiasm, driven and determined to end each act with a bang.
After observing enough of these productions unfold before me, it seems as if women can be differentiated into two particular groups: there are those who wholeheartedly (and at times blindly) embrace the concept of love without any inhibitions whatsoever, wearing their hearts openly on the proverbial sleeve, and there are those that are so guarded with their hearts that they create an indestructible shield, making it nearly impossible for any man to penetrate through the thick wall. Each group has its strength and weakness, and each adamant that its particular path is indisputably exact, that as an outsider, it becomes increasingly difficult to determine which path should be followed.
So I ask: In the quest for love, is it better to set up walls around your heart than to leave it completely unguarded?
In asking my friends this very question, I’ve been approached with a myriad of answers. For many who choose to don the imperishable suit of armor, it seems as if such a decision was made only after suffering from a life-shattering bout of heartache. I’m regaled with tales of how each began the quest with unbridled optimism, enthusiastically believing that one can only enter the journey with the purest of intentions and with unwavering hope. But somewhere along this journey, she was met with a scheming wolf in sheep’s clothing, and unsuspectedly fell prey to empty promises and meaningless grand gestures. Although she was left broken and alone, she managed to mend the broken pieces of her heart and ultimately continued on the journey, vowing never to be vulnerable to such pain again.
Given the circumstances, it’s hard to imagine anyone who wouldn’t sympathize with the journeywoman’s plight and commend her for managing to persist in the pursuit despite the previous defeat. But I wonder, in creating this force field, is she not losing sight of the ultimate goal of the quest to begin with? Perhaps it is my unquestionable naiveté on the matter, or my childlike definition of the subject at hand, but isn’t the whole concept of love the complete giving of oneself to another with the steadfast faith that such would be reciprocated? And if so, how can one expect to obtain this love if she creates obstacles that are impossible to pierce? Aren’t you, by guarding your heart from being broken, in essence disregarding one key element in ultimate goal? In purely mathematical terms, if Love equals Vulnerability, then doesn’t eliminating vulnerability negate the equation altogether?
In the end, I think there should be some happy median between the two extremes. It is undeniable that the quest for love is oftentimes filled with danger lurking behind many seemingly unsuspicious corners. One shouldn’t begin the quest completely defenseless; doing so leaves you dangerously helpless in the face of carnivorous prey. However, entering the quest so guarded that you are completely impervious to anyone who approaches is just as dangerous; you can find that at the end of the winding road is nothing but solitude and loneliness. Being practical in the quest for love is certainly admirable; being too practical to a point where you are too blind to see love is certainly contemptible.
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6 comments:
interesting topic...i think it depends a lot on what you want out of life. and there is definitely a lot of room between the two extremes....
nice analysis.....
not sure i agree with ur mathematical formulation (love=vulnerability). vulnerability is the risk you run for being in love (aka the cost function), it is not the goal. furthermore, as yasmin mentioned it depends on what you want out of life! SO i'd like to suggest a more general formulation:
love net profit = gain - loss
gain could be happiness, personal fulfillment, family, support system, etc. loss could be vulnerability, independence, career, space, etc.
of course, no loss no gain.....but that's why it's only worth running the risk IF the gain is big or real enough! :)
ok, im re-patenting basic economic theory.... :)
well that's all too much math for my taste =) but i agree with the basic concept that it depends on what you want out of life. the approach you take to finding love is sometimes determinative of what you will find and how satisfied you will be.
there are those who take the very practical approach. be that right or wrong, it offers a sense of control; a more formulaic method of finding what you're looking for, and laying a more reliable foundation to love.
the more romantic approach has, at least for me, proven a bit more devastating. less control, and more vulnerability which according to my equation ='s bad news.
This is definitely a complex topic that is continually evolving. I have always believed in searching for a balance between the extremes of excess and deficiency. As human beings, we tend to fluctuate from one extreme end to the other. In this uncertain world, it is very challenging to arrive at a concrete answer to this pertinent question. I surely hope that we will all be able to find the love within ourselves, and should there be a match for each of us, that there will be an additional love to complement each of us.
I think love should definitely be looked at on a cas-by-case basis.
I think it depends greatly on a person's personality and circumstances at the time.
As far as how you find the perfect match...there is no mathematical equation for that, some people like to be with their opposites while others prefer compatibility...then there are those who compromise, and those who expect too much or too little. Like I said...personality.
It is important for girls to be strong. It is also important to use as much common sense as possible to understand when to keep going, and when to stop.
Love and vulnerability can be associated in that love brings vulnerability...when you love someone, you may become more compromising, maybe more than you want to be.
Vulnerability may push you to love someone you might have never loved in any other situation.
Those two examples would be the extremes.
I hope you all find your right match one day.
There are no formulas in love. But I am impressed by your economic theories :-)
People look for different things in a relationship for sure, but when it comes to love I think I have become too much of a mystic for that kind of reasoning. But I do think that vulnerability is an essential component in love if we are to be true to ourselves, and that pain is just as much part of the equation as joy.
There is that mysterious uncontrollable spark, and then there is the active hard work of loving another unconditionally, compromising sometimes, and allowing yourself to be exposed in order to be truly known. Without this how deep can the love grow.
This is the paradox rooted in my belief that there is no perfect person. We are all broken vessels with complex, strong and fragile hearts, therefore there are no guarantees in life.
I think that honesty, acceptance, forgiveness and a realization of the complexities of the human heart, while being acts of love, also keep the love alive.
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